Supermom

Mommy Rating System:

IF AT LEAST ONE OF YOUR CHILDREN IS LESS THAN 9 MONTHS OLD:
*You downed 6 bloody Marys before 8 am, duct taped the kids to various pieces of furniture, and spent the day at the spa.

Your score…..0 Points.  You are a bad, bad lady.

*You kept enough of an eye on everyone to ensure they were all fed and survived the day.

Your score…10 Points.  You are incredible!  Congratulations!

 IF AT LEAST ONE OF YOUR CHILDREN IS STILL A TODDLER:

*You downed 6 bloody Marys before 8 am, duct taped the kids to various pieces of furniture, and spent the day at the spa.

Your score…0 Points.  You are a bad, bad lady

*You wiped noses, wiped bottoms, issued time-outs, cooked, cleaned, played Legos, made paper airplanes, wore a feather boa, a hard hat, marker smears and oatmeal clumps, took your own time-out or two while you plugged your kids into cartoons, ate your meals cold while you were standing up, had your make-up on the counter for 10 solid hours but never managed to apply it, cleaned up after everyone all day and ended up with a house that still looked like it was hit by a tornado, climbed into bed in all of your clothes (luckily never managed to put on a bra today), and passed out without even a goodnight kiss for your hubby.

Your score…10 Points.  You’re Super Mom!

*You woke before your children, washed and styled your hair, applied just enough make-up to look fresh, put on a simple yet sophisticated ensemble, and prepared farm-fresh organic scrambled eggs and from-scratch pancakes shaped to look like each of your children’s favorite animals.  You sat down and enjoyed a lovely breakfast with your family and then had the toddlers clean their rooms and make their beds while you washed the breakfast dishes and cleaned the floor.  You chose educational reading material to enjoy with the children and read it under a lovely oak tree while you all indulged in fresh squeezed carrot juice and dried seaweed specifically not harvested from the region of the recent oil spill in the gulf (You ALWAYS read labels).  You spent the day helping your children create crafts made from homemade paints and materials (cleaning up every step of the way) and going on insightful and enlightening nature hikes, only after applying organic bug spray you created from coconut oil and personally harvested citronella.  You don’t have a TV (duh). Your husband was greeted at the front door by the welcoming aroma of the lovely, nutritious dinner you prepared from the produce and herbs in your garden.  By the time you all sat down to quietly enjoy the meal, the kitchen was spotless and inviting. After the children were asleep (They always fall right to sleep after one short story you wrote yourself) , you slipped into a beautiful negligee and retreated to the bedroom to create yet ANOTHER passionate evening your husband will never forget.

Your Score:  0 Points.  Your fancy, perfectly-pressed pants are on fire, you lying witch.